I haven't sat down until now since 5:30 AM. I am dead. My laptop shows signs of dying and I just now used half a brain (for once) and copied the most important crap onto a flash drive. If I lose my iTunes library again I will cry even though I know iDump exists.

Billy the old cat hates New Black cat. It sounded like they were killing each other out there yesterday. Birds keep eating the cat food.

I have been listening to Christmas carols to keep my desire to have dinner for 12 people on Christmas Eve from dying. A few thoughts. This guy who's true love smothers him with gifts for twelve days might want to start admitting that he's got a stalker, not a girlfriend. Also, the concept of this lyric is ridiculous: "A Child, a Child shivers in the cold, Let us bring Him silver and gold". First things first, he needs blankets - that's what I'd be bringing. Alsoalso, who among you tells 'Scary ghost stories' at Christmas? That's a Halloween thing yes?

I put together a seafood lasagna, a tomato and meat sauce lasagna, sausage cheese balls, I made a blue cheese dip, I prepared lettuce for a caesar salad, I baked marinated salmon, rice pilaf and fresh spiced pears in maple syrup for the kid who's still eating mushy stuff. I have not stopped washing dishes, dirtying dishes, washing dishes, dirtying dishes and the kitchen is a disaster because I am so burned out and I just can't do another clean up - I am way burned out. I did other stuff but it's all a blur. I baked cookies for three hours yesterday. I have not eaten a thing all day, I forgot to.

I also went out and did last minute shopping, I had to put some effort into looking presentable because I was a freaking mess - and the kid better not break up with the brand new girlfriend until after tomorrow night because I bought her a Christmas gift so that she has something to open while everyone else is ripping the crap out of gifts I have painstakingly decorated like Martha does.

Also, I hardly know this new girlfriend, so I bought her cute plaid polar fleece pajama pants and matching purple top and I think she wears a size medium, and these size medium pajamas look like a medium sized adolescent would fit into them but I couldn't buy the large, or really what would probably fit her best, the extra large - because I just know this girl is going to obsess over the fact that Justin's mother thinks she's fat. Stupid. I'm going to have to exchange them damn it, I just know it. If by some miracle they end up fitting her, she's probably going to hate purple but I know she likes plaid because her sneakers are. Plaid. I should have bought her a purse. I don't know. God!

Also, she better not be a vegetarian because she won't even be able to eat caesar salad since there's anchovies in it. She can eat croutons. And cookies.

Did I mention I am dead?

I get to have another day just like this one tomorrow only I can't sit down until after midnight.

I wish I could seat 12 people at the table all at the same time but I can't so we have to eat in shifts but this is actually a really good thing because my mother doesn't let anyone else talk. I'll be eating with the non-conversation monopolizing people after she's gone into the living room for coffee and digestifs.

Robert won't be here for dinner tomorrow night because if he doesn't go to his parents on Christmas Eve, his mother will be slaving all day making eighteen different kinds of fried fish and seafood for a grand total of three people. She really should have had more kids.

I need a drink.

I just noticed I have blood all over my upper arm and I have no idea where it came from. How can you be bleeding when you have no visible cuts? What the hell?

After the rabid cat scare debacle was over and I declared my stray cat feeding days were over, I of course continued feeding Billy the stray who I'd been feeding since early spring and when you're feeding a stray with a rather small appetite who doesn't finish his meal, this of course leads to other cats discovering free food.

So last night this pretty all-black cat is sitting on my deck, he's ravenous and snarfing down the little bit of Billy's dinner that was left and All-Black Cat is giving me his 'I'm so freaking starving over here!' eyes so I set down more food and say 'Merry Christmas Lindapendant, just what you wanted, another Down On His Luck Cat.', but I held out some hope that maybe he's got a home and is just out for a stroll and stumbled on free food and is being human, that is - taking advantage of something you don't want or need just because it's free.

Right.

This morning I got up hella early, put coffee on to brew, turn around and All Black Cat is in monorail position at my door, huge 'I'm so freaking starving over here!' eyes on so I sigh and put down food for him and will go out there later and put up a shelter because it's snowing and he's sitting there getting frosted because he obviously doesn't have a place to go. I think he was dumped.

This one might get to me. Might.

Right.

Will.

While pulling out Christmas stuff and things, I came across a box containing every piece of paper the kid ever drew or painted on. It's not so much that I considered everything he created was 'art' and therefore save-worthy as much as he wouldn't let me toss anything - ever.

I was feeling sentimental and decided to spend a bit of time looking at this stuff and memories rushed back as I sifted through his work and I recalled that for a while, he loved making books and I came across this one, titled 'Prissy' and became curious to see what he'd written in it.



Page after page, he poured out his love for this Prissy person.



I tried to remember back to his pre-school days and who in his class was called Prissy and I couldn't think of who it might be but he sure did love her. I put the book aside, figuring I'd never find out who this Prissy was - and then I find a painting.



Prissy is the spinster chicken from Bugs Bunny who decides she wants to marry Foghorn Leghorn. Bust. Out. Laughing.



A bit later on, I find another book, 'God's Creation' and I wondered at what stage he would have been on fire with the Lord our Savior but I couldn't think of a time and figured since he was in Catholic school, it must have been an assignment. Again, I look though his book.



On the first day, He created a happy sun.



On the second day, He created a rather minimalist sky.



On the third day, he created a patch of earth which arose from the ocean and on that patch of earth grew a single flower.



On the fourth day, he created bananas.



According to what this book says, nothing else was created. Days five through seven hold blank pages.

He also drew a ton of cats, I have no idea why.

I am making belgian waffles with pure maple syrup and home fries and bacon and eggs and hot chocolate from scratch for Justin - I feel as though I'm sending him off to war at the front line and this is the last supper.

I found out that not only does his oral surgeon extract impacted wisdom teeth in her sleep, she does facial reconstructive surgery and has been for 22 years so I have stopped stressing over that and she's going to give the kid Percocet for pain so I've stopped stressing over that so now I'm just stressing over his reaction to Percocet and I'll be sitting by his bed as he's tripping in Neverland and make sure he's breathing and I'll google How To Preform CPR Effectively - As In Not Like Michael Jackson's So Called Doctor - just in case.

We bought Robert's parents who have everything and want nothing and will stuff whatever you buy them in a drawer never to be seen again - a digital picture frame for Christmas and I spent hours and hours editing family photos and then when I couldn't sleep in the night, I got this idea to find photos of Ascoli Piceno, where his parents lived before they moved to Canada, the place they call home and pine for, the place where they will move back to when his father decides he's had enough of working and living in -40C with windchill factor six weeks out of every year.

I have spent so much time looking at Ascoli Piceno that I feel as though I wouldn't need a map or a camera if I ever went and actually, I say if but it's more like when.



Robert's parents own a villa there and they recently said they'd like to take the whole family on a vacation there and speaking of owning a villa, when Robert's parents die, and this is all kinds of morbid and wrong to talk about, but Robert will be able to dump my haggard ass and have a slutty trophy wife and that BMW Z4 we salivate over and he'll be driving it all over Tuscany that bastard.